God’s Rest

A friend of mine was telling me how her recent trials have been helping her to grow in an area she has struggled with in her life.  When she told me that the Lord opened my eyes to the theme of my trials.  My theme was different from hers, but God used her testimony to show me His work in my life.  I love how He does that!

Since I was young, I have, by God’s grace, loved the Lord and loved His word.  I have had high convictions and ideals, and I would definitely consider myself an idealist.  This could be seen as a good thing, and I know the Lord has loved me all along, but the problem has come in that I have fretted and tried to make others and my circumstances meet these ideals and convictions.  These convictions have ranged in topic from church matters to the health of my family and friends.  I used to get very angry at Rob if he’d eat a cookie, for example, and I used to nag him about doing family worship.  Several years ago the Lord showed me that I was making those things idols and that I needed to find my joy in Him and allow Him to do the work in others that He wanted to do.  What a relief!

The Lord has used my celiac disease (when I didn’t know I had it and was so sick), my thyroid disease, the miscarriages, and the chemical sensitivities to reveal to me my complete weakness and inability to do anything apart from Him.  Everything, even everyday tasks, has been impossible apart from Him giving me what I need to go on.  I have seen Him do amazing things in my life and the life of my family because of this dependence.  It has been forced upon me, but I am thankful for it.  I would not have chosen it, but I am grateful.

Our Baker house project, which has lasted over three years and has involved much separation of our family, has also been a trial; ordained by God to work in both Rob and myself.  For my part, He has been showing me more the depths of sin in my heart that would dominate if not for Christ.  He has been weeding things out of my life and drawing me closer to Himself.  And He has been showing me, through this and other circumstances, that He is not an idealist.  That has been eye-opening!  He does what is best, but it may not look best to those of us who are holding on to our perfect ideas.  We want perfection now, not realizing that there are many things that go into perfection, including pain, trials, inconveniences, sacrifice. . .

Over the years my convictions have grown stronger but the Lord has brought me to and continues to bring me to a place of rest in Him.  I no longer (usually) strive to make others believe certain things or to make my circumstances ideal.  I have always had good intentions.  I am so much like my Grandma–we want to fix everything and everyone and make the world a better place.    Only God can do that.  He will use us, but only if we are resting in His hand–tools with no agenda of their own.

I thank the Lord for His rest, for His yoke that is easy and His burden that is light.  His work was finished at the cross and He is seated (at rest) at the right hand of His Father and we are seated with Christ in the heavenly places.  We are seated.  At rest.  No more striving.  Even work is restful.  Being used as a tool is restful.

Jesus is interceding for us, praying continually.  In Him we also are made priests to God, called to watch and pray.  To wait.  To be still and know that He is God.  He has good works prepared for us but they must be His works and they must flow out of the place of prayer and dependence on Him.

“So then, there remains a Sabbath rest for the people of God, for whoever has entered God’s rest has also rested from His works as God did from His.  Let us therefore strive to enter that rest, so that no one may fall by the same sort of disobedience.  For the word of God is active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.  And no creature is hidden from His sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” Hebrews 4:6-13

The Israelites’ sin was unbelief.  They did not believe or trust God, therefore they did not obey God.  And there are so many today who have not entered into God’s rest (salvation) because they do not believe God.  The message doesn’t make sense to them; it seems so foolish or impossible.  And even we who have entered into His rest through the blood of Jesus, battle daily to continue in that rest.  Not that we lose our salvation, but we worry and fret and strive and get stressed.  These things demonstrate a lack of trust in God.

We are told in John 15 to abide in Christ–to live in Him and He in us.  We are only branches.  Branches cannot do anything of themselves.  The only way to bear fruit is to be at rest in Christ.  All our striving should be to this end: to believe God, to trust God, to wait on God, to be still and know that He is God.

All the fiery darts of the enemy, all our worries, and all our self-efforts come against our trust in God.  “Without faith, it is impossible to please God, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who seek Him” Hebrews 11:8.  This belief cannot be a mere head nod, “Yes, God exists.”  This God we serve and love is the ONE TRUE GOD, the CREATOR of the ends of the earth!  He is able to accomplish all of His purposes in the world, the church, in our families and in ourselves–nothing will stop Him.  Firmly believing this helps us to rest in the Lord when we are tempted to fix things, change things or make a wrong decision in difficult times and when tempted to do the work of God using our own very limited wisdom.

This belief turns into prayer.  Abiding in Christ acquaints us with the heart of Christ.  Because of the continual fellowship with God that we must have in order to abide and rest in Him we come to know Him and He shows us the things He is doing in the world and the smaller part of it that we know and the spiritual battle that is always going on.  We come to see the immensity of God and the importance of the battle and we consequently come to feel our own smallness and inadequacy.  This tends to move us to prayer.  In the context of our abiding in Him, Jesus says, “You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in My name, He may give it to you” John 15:16.

We become actively involved with Him in the things He is doing because we take time to listen to what He wants to say to us.  He speaks to us through His word and also directly to our hearts.  What He speaks to our hearts always goes together with His written word–He simply applies it to our present circumstances or shows us how to pray for a situation, etc. As we wait on Him and ask Him to work according to the desires of His heart, He bears fruit in us that lasts.  This is amazing to me!  Our work is to abide in Him.  He takes care of the growth and the fruit.

Resting in Christ does not make us passive.  It is the people who KNOW their God who will be strong and do great exploits, and lead many to righteousness.  Knowing God makes us passionate about God and the things of God.  He moves us to love what He loves and hate what He hates.  Knowing God reveals the puniness of our efforts for God.  All our good ideas are well-intentioned but they fall far short of accomplishing what God is really wanting to do in the world, the church and in our lives.

Our work must be to KNOW Jesus, to abide in Him, to rest, to trust, to wait on Him in prayer and watch what He does in answer and even how He uses us in the answer.  He will fill us up with Himself and bear fruit in us that lasts.  We will know that it is not us doing anything, but He in us.

We do not want to be among the very large number of people who will stand before God on judgment day and say, “But Lord, we did this great thing and that great thing for You.”  To them the Lord will reply, “Depart from me, I never KNEW you.”  Jesus’ use of the word knew is very important.  One of Satan’s greatest strategies against us is to keep us so busy doing things for God that we have no time to know God.  And if that isn’t enough, when we have some down time he keeps us distracted from the Lord.

We must fight our natural inclination to be busy and to fill our lives so full with a combination of good and worthless activities that we have no time to know God or people on a deep level.

If we make time for the Lord, and then for the people He puts in our lives, we will be full of fruit.  To some we will appear to be lazy.  We will be hounded by guilty feelings of “am I doing enough?”  Our works will flow out of our relationship with the Lord and most of them will not carry an official title or be noticed by others.  We will most likely feel that we are doing nothing of any great importance.  But the fruit will be of the Lord and will last, and He will openly reward those who are not concerned with being recognized by others.

As we walk with the Lord and recognize His voice in our hearts we will simply pray when He leads us to pray, serve when He shows us how to serve, speak when He opens our mouths, and do what He says to do; and all the time we will feel weak and inadequate.  We are nothing; He is everything.  We are only jars of clay; He is the treasure inside.1 Corinthians is full of this message:

Paul said, But we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and folly to Gentiles, but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.  For the foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.  For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were of noble birth.  But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God.

This is why telling God all about the things we’ve done for Him will be the wrong thing to say to Him on judgment day!

He is the source of your life in Jesus Christ, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written, ‘Let him who boasts, boast in the Lord.’

Notice that Paul’s focus is Jesus, Jesus, Jesus.

And I , when I came to you, brothers, did not come proclaiming to you the testimony of God with lofty speech or wisdom.  For I decided to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ  and Him crucified.

Paul’s use of the word know is just as intentional as Jesus’ use of knew.  He could have said that he determined to talk about nothing other than Jesus Christ and Him crucified.  But he really knew Jesus deeply and so Jesus is what came out in everything he did and said.  He couldn’t help it.  He determined to know Jesus–that was His work.  The result was fruit in his life and in the Corinthian church.

And I was with you in weakness and in fear and much trembling, and my speech and my message were not in plausible words of wisdom, but in demonstration of the Spirit and of power, that your faith might not rest in the wisdom of men but in the power of God.  1 Corinthians 1:23-2:5

The only way to have the demonstration of the Spirit and of power in ministry is to know the Lord through prayer, fellowship, and two-way communication with Him.

Paul also said to the Corinthians, “I feel a divine jealousy for you, for I betrothed you to one husband, to present you as a pure virgin to Christ.  But I am afraid that as the serpent deceived Eve (the bride of the first Adam) by his cunning, your thoughts will be led astray from a sincere and pure devotion to Christ” 1 Corinthians 11:2-3.  We are the bride of Christ, the second Adam.   Satan tempted Eve to a lack of trust in God.  He tempts us, the bride of Christ, to the same.  We have been deceived by the wisdom of men and of our flesh that we must do at the expense of knowing.  We often really believe that it is the clever things we do that will draw people to Jesus.  They won’t.  It can be helpful to examine some of our church practices and ask whether we see any real fruit from them or not, especially in regards to our outreach methods.  We must each do this for ourselves.  It would not be helpful for me to list off my opinions here or describe what I think of as worthless things when it comes to our time.  The Lord will reveal these things to each of us individually, and to local churches,  if we ask Him to.

Knowing and loving Jesus is our supreme work.  We are His bride.  As Christ is lifted up in our hearts while we wait for Him and make ourselves ready in love, holiness and expectation, He will draw people to Himself.  Our love will be contagious.  They will ask us about the hope we have and the answer will spill out of us.  Jesus will be glorified and people will be saved.  Our lives will change.  Brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling to grow in their relationship with the Lord will be spurred on to love and good works. We will bear fruit that lasts.

Father, I pray that you will give to us a spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Christ and that You will cause us to grow in the grace and knowledge of Jesus.  May Your love and the fellowship of Your Spirit be with us continually.  Cause us to know what is the height, the depth, the width and the length of the love of Christ, which surpasses knowledge.  Open the eyes of our hearts.  We need You.  We love You.  We are nothing and You are everything.  Increase in us and make us to decrease, so that the fullness of Christ will fill us, Your body, with all Your fullness.  Be the true head of Your people.  Be lifted up, Jesus, and draw all men to Yourself.

Family Update

It has been a while since I’ve written anything about our family happenings.  The short version is that God has us on a wild adventure.  Sometimes we feel like Abraham: Knowing God is telling us to go here and there and do this and that, but only seeing the path right before our feet.  We know He is good and that His purposes are good, even though oftentimes we have to go through difficult things.

We are thankful that Rob has a good job.  In this economy, not everyone can say this, and we have friends unable to find a job.

We are thankful for the many wonderful brothers and sisters in Christ God has put in our life.

We are celebrating Christopher’s 8th birthday today.  It is hard to believe he’s that old already.  Time rushes on–birthdays are a good reminder to make the most of the time God gives us.

I have had a recurrence of my chemical sensitivities.  They’ve never fully gone away, but God took them to a point that made it possible for me to go to church and to the store and to some friends’ homes.  But our church recently got into its remodeled new home, and after a couple of weeks of being there several hours a week the carpet chemicals  and people’s perfumes started to wear me down again.  Rob even started getting headaches.  Additionally, the city where we live dumped an extra amount of chlorine into the water and I can hardly even stand to be in our house.  Every time someone turns the water on I start to feel horrible–and that is with charcoal filters on the water lines and the showers.

The Lord has led us to leave our church [building] and has told us to stay home on Sundays for now.  We are still connected to our church family and I am still able to go to the ladies’ tea and Bible study.  And He has provided some friends in the Lord to come meet in our home every Sunday afternoon and evening for fellowship in the Lord and seeking Him together.  Some of them are from our church, others are friends from other churches.  If you are local, and you’d like to come to our house at 2pm on Sundays you are more than welcome.  I only ask that you have no perfumes on.  Fabric softener is a problem, along with perfumed lotions, etc.  I hate to have to say that, but that is just the way it is.  We also plan to eat dinner together and everyone can bring food to share.  Most everyone can eat anything, and I will just be fixing something I can eat–so no one has to worry about special diets.

So, that’s where we are at.  God has led us here.  It’s an interesting journey!

Still Life

Out in nature
Surrounded by trees
All is still
Or so it seems

If you will listen
And be still
You will see
What is hidden in the leaves

Your ears will catch
Sounds of a vibrant life
At first unnoticed
In your haste

And in life
It is the same
If we rush on
With headlong pace

We miss the
Inner workings
Of the Lord
But they are there:

Ever flowing
Moving forward
Hidden details all entwined
Radiant glory bursting forth

Be still and wait
Seek His face
He will reveal
His heart to you

Light and hope
Sounds of joy
Future glory
Yet unseen

These are ours in Christ
Fix your gaze
On Him
He will lead you through

Toxins in the Home

This is not so much informational as it is a plea to consider something:

So many of us don’t know the truth about common cleaning supplies–they are highly dangerous to our health. I went to Publix yesterday and walked past an area where they had cleaned with bleach recently and I had a bad reaction that lasted the rest of the day (throat closing up, lung inflammation and pain, trouble breathing, headaches, nerve symptoms all over the body, swelling, low blood pressure). It was scary. Rob was out of town and I was afraid to stay alone with the children in case I passed out or something like that. I prayed and without me calling anyone the Lord provided a friend who was able to walk with me (helps my body fight the reaction) and stay with me until I started to feel better.  I really appreciated this evidence of God’s love for me.  I had been thinking of going over to a friend’s house but knowing that He sent someone to me instead felt like a hug from God.

We would all do well to avoid these chemicals, and for the sake of those of us who are extra sensitive to them, I am asking you to consider changing your cleaning supplies to safer ones.

Other problem products are any products for home or body with synthetic fragrances. These and the cleaning chemicals are highly toxic and cause some of us to have life threatening reactions. The plug-in air fresheners and air sprays are really bad. For the sake of your family and the people around you, please consider avoiding these. You never know what stranger or new person at church might be really sensitive to the shampoo or deodorant you use. Out of Christian love and for our own health we would do very well to give up these things for safer alternatives (there are alternatives for everything). Some of us have to literally avoid friends’ houses, or being with them if they have fabric softener on their clothes, have just showered and used perfumed shampoos, lotions, etc. And some of us cannot even go to church anymore (I am in that situation currently–partly because we are in a newly remodeled building with newish carpet).

I have a friend who tried to join a small country church. She was poisoned by a pesticide a long time ago and still has a very low tolerance for chemicals. They make her very sick. When she explained the situation to these people they were not at all sympathetic and they refused to stop wearing their perfumes to church. When I knew her, it was before I started having bad reactions to chemicals. But knowing her and wanting to be able to spend time with her made me realize that it was worth giving up the fragrances and other things that I had been using. And even after we moved away I maintained that because I thought, “You never know who might also be sensitive to these things.” And now I am myself and I am so thankful for the friends I have who have gone out of their way to change their cleaning and body products so that we can be together.

We have been deceived by the manufacturing companies that we need all the antibacterial cleaners and fancy smelling products to make our homes clean and fresh. It simply isn’t true. Plain soap and water works just as well, without the toxins. All you have to do is loosen bacteria and rinse them down the drain–you don’t have to kill them. I do not use these things and we do not ever get sick from our home. Whenever we get sick it is because we have caught something from a friend. I can always trace it back. Antibacterial products just produce antibacterial resistant bacteria. If you want to make your home smell nice, you can use the natural products on the market such as a pure citrus spray. As long as you are not allergic to the plant used these are great. Some essential oils products are very strong and should also be used sparingly.

Thank you for considering this.  Here is some info on cleaning supplies to get you started. And body care products.  And info on specific brands.

Waiting on God

In the midst of much waiting on God that our family is and has been doing for a long time I have been reading a book by T. Austin-Sparks called Discipline Unto Prayer. One chapter is called The Divine Ministry of Delay and I was helped by these quotes and want to share them with you.

“I am going to suggest three things, and they are mere suggestions; but may they bring light to you, as they have brought to me in past days. The first thing I want to say about God’s delays is this: It is only by enforced waiting upon Him that we come to know God with that knowledge which is the foundation of all character. I use the word enforced waiting upon God, because it is only by being forced to wait upon God that some of us ever do wait on Him. We are naturally impatient, we are naturally impulsive, we naturally chafe at anything like slowness; and God, by withholding the answer for which we have looked, keeps us at His feet in order that we may come to know Him. He is infinitely more concerned in the making and remaking of our lives than in the gratifying of our minds. He is infinitely more concerned in making us men and women of His own pattern, and to deepen His life in our souls, than to gratify some of the desires which we often express in unconsidered prayer. For we cannot come to know God, and inferentially we cannot come to know ourselves, in an hour. God’s delays do not indicate any caprice on His part, but rather His concern and compassion for us. They are directed toward saving us from hurrying away from His presence before the lessons of His grace have been more than mentally received. God is preparing us, by keeping us waiting upon Him, worthily to receive, to interpret, and then to use the gifts He will yet give in answer to prayer and in fulfilment of His word.”

“We are kept waiting upon Him that we may become of the number of those who really do know their God, and who consequently are empowered to do exploits.”

“God is making us; do not let us be impatient under the process. God is making us; do not let impatience and impetuosity take us, therefore, from under the hand of the Master Workman. He is eliminating the flaws, and remaking the marred vessels. The two qualities which we need most – endurance and radiance – are not imparted to any man in a single hour. God keeps us waiting that in His presence, beholding His glory, we may be changed into the same image from glory unto glory.”

“The things we try to get rid of by prayer are often the very things we can least afford to lose. Some of those things we call burdens, of which we try to get rid in the Sanctuary, are the things that God has placed upon us for the steadying of life and the guiding of our energies into channels which otherwise we should overlook and miss. Paul learnt that there was something infinitely better than the removal of the thorn-pain – infinitely better! Thrice he besought the Lord to remove it – with what interval between those prayers we know not. But surely Paul, like the rest of us, was perplexed at God’s delay. And he ultimately found that God was preparing something far better than the extraction of the thing which caused a throbbing wound – “My grace is sufficient for thee.” If he had not had the thorn-pain, like the nightingale which is said to sing sweetest when its breast is pierced, he had never learned the song: “Most gladly will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me!” We learn, as we are kept waiting at His feet, that the cord which we would have had God cut, He disentangles, and so saves for purposes of His service. God’s ways are always justified of His children, if they will patiently tarry His leisure.”

“The third thing I want to say is this. Faith can only be trained by being tested. As a man’s muscles are only hardened by exercise, so his faith only becomes strong and ultimately invincible by being subjected to the discipline of strain. For until it accepts the will of God, not under compulsion, nor because there is no alternative, but by free choice and glad surrender, faith is lacking in essential quality. But when we are unmoved by the fact that we are kept waiting, calmly conscious that God’s glory is intimately bound up with our lives
and prayers, and content that if He can afford to wait, so too can we, one of life’s greatest lessons has been learnt. For faith reaches its triumph only when its exercise ceases to be a deliberate activity and becomes an instinctive attitude.”

http://www.austin-sparks.net/english/books/000780.html

http://www.austin-sparks.net/index.html

Besides the book Discipline Unto Prayer, which these quotes are from, other good places to start reading are The Centrality and Supremacy of the Lord Jesus Christ; Christ Our Life; The Measure of Christ, Christ–All and In All. Sparks’ main message was the Lord Jesus Christ. The desire in all of his writings was to lift up the name of Jesus. There is much nourishing food for the soul here!

Updated and New Gluten Free Recipes

I finally updated the gluten free breads and cakes page.  Over time I have refined some of the recipes and developed new ones that my family enjoys very much.  Christopher wants to have a gluten free bakery when he grows up and I a tell him I am developing his recipes for him so he’ll be all ready when the time comes.  We may even sell our baked goods as a family business, at least at farmer’s markets, in the near future.

Something I’ve recently started doing successfully is gluten free sourdough baking and we all LOVE it.

So check out the recipes here if you are in need of gluten free baking ideas.

And yes, it’s been a WHILE since I posted.  We’ve been on a month long vacation!  It’s been wonderful.  I will write soon.  God is working and He is so good!

All in a Day’s Work

The children and I set out yesterday on a full day of errands. It was hot, we didn’t pack any food and it took much longer than I thought it would. Along the way everything seemed to go wrong. I tried to find my sister’s new house to drop off a gift and couldn’t find it, even though I’d been to that neighborhood before.

I gave up and went to get a lab slip from my doctor (this is the reason I went to FWB for my errands instead of shopping here) only to get in and find out it was the beginning of the lunch hour. We stayed in the waiting area for a while because the children had immediately gotten out the doctor’s photo albums of the children he’d delivered (used to be an ob now just does gyn) and they were loudly exclaiming over all the babies. I let them have their fun and finally left to try to find my sister’s house and failed again, so we went shopping for our trip and Carol’s return home.

Everything went fine in Office Depot. This is where we met the pioneer lady (see post below). The thought occurred to me that God uses our delays to get us to the right spot at the right time, and that we never know what effect short interactions with strangers might have on them and us.

Next stop, Publix. As we walked in the door I started feeling lopsided and realized that a strap on a “personal clothing item” had broken! Talk about feeling self-conscious! I still had to shop for two households in that state.

We rushed to the bathroom for a pit stop and there was a woman in there who asked us if we homeschooled. We told her yes and she said she was doing that this year too. It sounded like it was her first year so I quickly encouraged her that it was a great and good thing, and that was it. But as I said before, she may have needed just such encouragement and there we were in the bathroom to give it at the appointed time. I might have talked longer but we were desperate for that pit stop and Laura wanted me to come in the stall with her so that’s all I had time to say.

I normally enjoy shopping with the children, but yesterday they were hungry and didn’t have as much self-control. They weren’t being bad, just really REALLY loud. They read EVERYTHING at the top of their lungs and got excited about anything they saw. I already felt like I wanted to crawl into a hole so it was a bit overwhelming to feel like we were drawing even more attention to ourselves. I prayed quickly, “Lord, I need your Spirit! Fill me.” We managed to maneuver two loud, laughing carts around the store and get everything on the list and I didn’t yell at anyone. That was God’s grace!

The crackers I needed were on a top shelf so I had to stand on tip toe to get them. I grabbed the first box and then was trying to decide if I wanted the same kind which was very far back on the shelf or another kind. I had just decided on the other kind when a man came over and asked, “Need some help shorty?” I think he thought I was offended when I said, “No, thank you, I was going to get this one.” He apologized and I said it was okay. Anyway, it was funny to me. No stranger has ever called me shorty before.

At the checkout, the cashier commented to the bagger that I had bought everything organic and then she turned to me and said, “You would die if you knew what I heard on the news about organic.” I just smiled and I could tell she was disappointed that I hadn’t taken her bait (She didn’t know she would have gotten an earful on the subject if I had! Why do people believe everything they hear on the news anyway?). A few minutes later she said, “There’s nothing wrong with it, don’t get me wrong.” She was then really confused when she scanned Carol’s groceries and found that all of them were conventional!

At last we were out of the store and after we loaded groceries in the car we pretended to be the cart collectors and ended up with a caravan of four carts. We made a train with them, with our hands as connectors, and the kids thought that was fun.

Back to the Dr.’s office we went. I told the receptionist I was there for my lab slip and she looked really confused. She looked for it, couldn’t find it, and went to talk to the nurse. She came back a few minutes later and told me the nurse had mailed it to me! She had called me the day before and told me to come get it. The receptionist made me a copy of it anyway.

Next we went to CVS for some travel containers and then I determined that I would find my sister’s house. Her birthday was in July and I wanted her to have her b-day present before October! This time the directions made perfect sense to me and I found it without trouble. Of course! God’s timing is perfect and doesn’t often match mine.

When we got home and checked the mail, there was the lab slip from the doctor. I had almost called them to ask if they could mail it as they usually do, but I hadn’t. Apparently it was a case of the right hand not knowing what the left hand was doing and only God knows all the reasons we had to go to FWB, because other than dropping off the gift I could have done all my errands at home in a lot less time.

To top it all off we made a quick dinner and then went to Carol’s house with Rob to clean, sort, and file. Our friend Nancy came and gave the house a thorough cleaning with the children while Rob and I sorted through giant piles of important and unimportant papers and filed what needed saved. Several hours later we came home, had a second dinner and then crashed into bed.

It was a long day, but God was present with us and we all had peace. I am thankful that He gives us what we need when we ask Him to.

I lived in pioneer days

We were at Office Depot yesterday. A woman there asked us if we homeschool and we told her we do. She said that she homeschooled her two daughters when they were growing up and now they can’t wait to have children so they can be second generation homeschoolers. I told her that I was homeschooled and enjoyed being a second generationer. At one point she told me she started homeschooling in the pioneer days.

After she had moved on Christopher asked, eyes wide, “Did she live in the PIONEER days????”

This woman homeschooled her daughters the same time I was being homeschooled so I guess that means I lived in pioneer days too.

Of course she meant the pioneer days of the modern homeschool movement.

Slow Down

The relative silence on this blog reflects the busy season I am in and my struggle to maintain intimacy with the Lord in that busyness. As my energy has increased after the miscarriage and D&C my prayer has been that the Lord will renew my desire to meet with Him daily. I am able to get up earlier again, and He has been inviting me to use that time to sit with Him. I am not where I was or want to be, but He is drawing me. I have missed Him. It isn’t that He hasn’t been with me or that we never talk, but I miss the close communion. And when I am not staying close to Him I really have nothing to say here, there or anywhere!

I have recovered quickly from the miscarriage and D&C. But right after I had surgery, Rob’s mom was admitted to the hospital with blood clots. She is now in rehab and will be coming home on Thursday. There has been much activity related to her situation that has added to our already full schedule. And I’ve gotten back into full gear preparing foods we can eat, homeschooling, etc. And now we are preparing for a three week vacation–part of it will be with the children and my parents and another will be just Rob and me visiting friends and then going to Oregon for an anniversary trip. We are SO excited, but there is a lot to be done to get ready for that and for Rob’s mom to come home. We are thankful for the many friends who will be helping care for her while we are gone, and also for the home health folks who will be keeping an eye on her. We are glad she’ll finally be getting the help she needs at home.

God’s presence and care have been evident through all of these things. And in it all I’ve heard Him say, “Don’t lose sight of Me. Don’t just get busy again. Remember that you need My Spirit like you need the air you breathe and the water you drink.” As I have slowed down to meet with Him He has given me what I’ve needed to DO what He’s called me to do.

How do they know?

We were picking out a birthday card for Rob’s mom at the store and Sarah asked Christopher, “How do they know it’s Grandma’s birthday?” Christopher answered authoritatively, “They don’t. They just put a bunch of cards out.”

Miscarriage update

Just wanted to give an update. I had a D&C yesterday. All went well. I appreciate all the prayers that went up for me and for our family. The Lord gave me complete peace about the surgery and there were no complications. I am resting now and Rob has been taking good care of us.

My friend Tammy called and offered to watch the children for us yesterday while we were at the hospital, and it was wonderful not to have to find someone to do that. They all had a great time together.

I am thankful to not be waiting around for the bleeding to start; knowing your baby is dead but still being pregnant is very hard. We are going on a trip most of September and this gives me time to regain my strength so I can enjoy the time with my family and with Rob.

Another miscarriage

Thank you all for your prayers. I found out today that the baby has died. I had two ultrasounds done to verify. God provided a wonderful doctor and nurses today. They were amazing. I got so many hugs, I was allowed to cry, and a woman prayed for me when I went to get the second ultrasound. God knew what I needed. Please pray for wisdom to know what we should do next. Tough decisions.

Baby Bird

Baby Mocking Bird that fell from a tree and huddled on our fence.

Daily Blessings

So, I haven’t been writing much lately. . .actually, I’ve not been doing much lately. . .I am two months pregnant and have merely been surviving day to day because of the fatigue and nausea. There’s also been the emotional aspect of wondering if this pregnancy will go full term. I find myself surrendering to God’s will a lot. I also catch myself telling God that if this pregnancy doesn’t go well then I am done–I can’t keep doing this; but what does that mean for someone like me who doesn’t want to do anything permanent like surgery and who is against abortifacient forms of birth control? I’ve had 12 miscarriages, and I know some people think I am crazy, “Why doesn’t she give up?”–but there really are some tough questions involved. It is not a light thing to play God over your life. I just trust myself to the mercy of God and know He is storing up for me a greater weight of glory. He is sovereign and He is good. I am thankful for the children I have, and am not idolizing having a baby. I would like more children, but my life doesn’t revolve around that. I haven’t even been trying to get pregnant, but God seems to have other plans and so I trust the babies I’ve lost are with Him and that my losses are not a waste. I am weary of feeling like a broken woman though. I do beg Him to heal me.

Laura was making plans for the babies (she wants twins) today, and how she will help them learn to swim. It was so sweet. She really wants another baby in the family. Everyone does. Laura is almost four, and is definitely the mother hen of the family. She loves to take care of everyone and wants to tend to a little one so badly. When she was sharing her thoughts with me I became very choked up, “Oh, Lord, please don’t let her be disappointed!” I gave her a hug and told her how sweet she is.

We’ve finished up our school year (we go year round with short breaks) using My Father’s World Adventures and are taking the week off before we go into MFW Exploring Countries and Cultures. The boys wanted to start this week because they love MFW and can’t wait to get into all the new books. We got a head start on the geography last night when Christopher pulled our laminated US/World map from Adventures down and started asking us “What is the capitol of _________?” We spent over an hour passing the map around as we all took turns asking and answering similar questions–giggles and smiles thrown in for good measure. This was after a good Sunday afternoon nap, a thunderstorm that knocked our power out for a while and a dinner we threw together from things that didn’t need cooked, a family read-aloud of the Wind in the Willows, a pleasant walk and then a good visit with a neighbor. By the time we fed everyone again and put them all to bed it was after 11pm. But we were having such a fun time just being a family we didn’t notice how late it was.

This morning I was able to get out of bed early enough to have a good quiet time with the Lord. I’ve been dragging so much lately that this hasn’t happened like I would want it to, so I was really excited about this. The rest of the day was full of little blessings.

I was able to conquer the mess in my kitchen (had a bit more energy).

A friend came by to bring some books she’d borrowed and we ended up going to Staples together so we could talk for a bit and get something done too (she has her own business and is so busy right now). When we got to the store we met my friend’s mom, who “just happened” to be there at the same time, so we got to talk with her too. The children were so excited about going to Staples for the first time that they screamed with delight when I told them we were going–they were as excited as if I was taking them to the zoo or something. It was pretty funny. They’ve been stuck at home a lot lately though, due to sickness we’ve been dealing with. When I was checking out, the cashier said, “I just want you to know that you are an encouragement. My wife and I want to try for four kids too.” I was so surprised, and grateful that we could encourage this young man that children are the blessing he thought they would be. I hadn’t started the day out planning to go to Staples, but it became pretty evident that God had directed our going. I love how He is in every detail of our lives.

Later, another friend who orders for our organic produce co-op delivered the produce right to my kitchen and carried it all for me. That was nice, since I can’t lift too much right now.

I got a lot done, and then had time for a good nap which gave me energy to have dinner ready on time! LOL. That is a struggle when I am not pregnant, but right now it is really hard. It really is the simple things! I just felt the Lord upholding me all day. Dinner and family worship time were wonderful and we all talked about our favorite part of the day. Rob said his favorite part of the day was coming home–I am so glad. That is my favorite part of each day too. 11 years of marriage has gone by so fast, and I love my husband more with each passing day. He is a blessing!

How have you seen God’s hand in your life today?

Freedom

You are the Potter
I am the clay
I dare not say to You,
‘Why have you made me this way?’

You are good and You are wise
All You do has a reason
And Your grace is sufficient
Your grace is sufficient for me

These boundary lines
feel like a prison wall
Everything looks better
on the other side

But this prison is not
what it appears to me
No–It is a doorway to freedom
Freedom!

Freedom from self, from danger and harm
Freedom to grow and freedom to find
that You are all I need. Freedom to comfort as
You have cared for me.

You are good and You are wise
All You do has a reason
And Your grace is sufficient
Your grace is sufficient for me