My husband demonstrated “living with your wife in an understanding manner” last night by having a short burial service for the baby. The last time I miscarried, the children and I buried the baby. Rob was away. I had to have surgery for the first miscarriage, so a burial was not possible. So this time Rob made it a priority to initiate a burial, and him doing so meant very much to me.
Our care group had a special time of prayer for us last night, which was a welcome blessing. There really isn’t much anyone can do or say in a situation like this. But “I’m sorry” or “I am praying for you” and a hug are very welcome, and I have appreciated your prayers and words of encouragement. God is faithful to answer prayer, so prayer is probably the most important response we can have to others when they are hurting. That and being willing to weep with those who weep. I am trying to think through this now, so I will be better able to help others who go through this or similar trials.
Rob is disappointed. I am sad. After having three miscarriages in a row, seeing little babies makes me want to cry. It can be hard to know what to do. I want more children, but my body seems to be rejecting them as foreign. I think I should find a doctor and get testing for an auto-immune disorder or hormonal imbalance. I tend to think it may be the auto-immune problem because I have Celiac disease, which is itself an auto-immune disease, and it can cause other auto-immune disorders. Recurrent (three or more) miscarriage is often caused by auto-immune disorders, and not so much by genetic problems with the babies themselves.
We are going to keep trusting God. He is Sovereign, and He is working all things for His glory and our good. We are extremely grateful for the four blessings we already have, and I am thankful that I can relate in part to my friends who have had 13 and 11 miscarriages. And adoption looks more and more inviting everyday. But the reality is we don’t deserve any blessings from God, so if we never have more children we will have nothing to complain about. God is so good to us. On the other hand, we believe God is the one who changed our hearts about our family size, so we do think we are supposed to have more children–whether they are biological or adopted. Adoption was already on our hearts before I started miscarrying.
Please pray for Rob. He is concerned for me– he doesn’t want my health to be compromised. As the leader of our home, there is a lot of weight on him. He is walking in faith, and seeking wisdom.
Love you all.