Sweet Like Honey

our family's journal of God at work

Desire for Children during Infertility and Miscarriage

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The Lord has given us 4 children and we have had 12 miscarriages since our fourth was born. The Lord has used the children, including the ones lost (but I believe they are with Him) in my life in amazing ways, and I would not trade any of them or the circumstances for anything.  I would love to have more children.  They are a gift, a blessing, a joy!  A lot of work, yes, but it is worth it!

I have gone the natural route of trying to find out why I am having recurrent miscarriages, and I think I have an idea; but even though I am doing everything I can do, within reason, to be healthy, I continue to miscarry.   A healthy diet and lifestyle can help, but ultimately God is in control.  The Lord has humbled me through this, and shown me that, though it is important to be a good steward of my body, and I should love my potential children by taking care of myself, I do not control by these efforts my ability to carry children to term.

God is not an idealist. He doesn’t have an ideal number of children, or ideal situations, lined up for us. He has the exact number of children and the exact circumstances prepared for us so that we will grow in His love and grace and we will glorify Him. Ideal situations do not tend to produce people who glorify the Lord or love the Lord fervently or recognize how much they NEED Him. The wilderness times give us opportunities to discover how wonderful our Savior is. We most glorify the Lord when we passionately love Him.  And this draws others to Him as well.

When I was newly pregnant with my fourth child, a complete stranger walked up to our family in the store, and said, “You have boys and a girl; there aren’t any other kinds so you don’t need any more.”   I was inwardly grieved by what he said.  Having children is not about EXPERIENCING a boy and a girl and putting a notch in our belts and fulfilling some selfish dream; it is not about “putting in our time” as a parent and then moving on to better things. As believers, we should receive children as a blessing and it is right to desire children, while not making them an idol–but more than anything we have children to glorify God.

I think that if we desire children as a blessing from the Lord, and the Lord withholds children even though we pray for children, we can trust that He has a purpose that will glorify Him more than us having children or more children at that time. This is different than being selfish and not wanting children because we have our lives to lead and children just get in the way.

We can desire the blessing while wanting God to be glorified MORE than we want to be blessed and we can be content with whatever the Lord wants to do through our either having children or not having children. The Bible calls women to be mothers, and so we ought to pursue that. But we need to pursue the Lord more. If we are going after Him with all our hearts, we will find Him in every circumstance, and we will be able to receive children or no children as a gift from Him. Either way, we are blessed.

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Author: Cassie

Follower of Jesus, wife and mom to the most wonderful family I could ever ask for.

2 thoughts on “Desire for Children during Infertility and Miscarriage

  1. I am out of words…but Thank you! I so needed to here that. To know whether I have 4 or a dozen the glory goes to God and he is in control and I am blessed what ever he decides each is a gift.
    much to think and ponder.
    Thank you.

  2. Hi Cassie – I am one of Adina Caskey’s friends and just stumbled onto your beautiful, encouraging blog when I left a comment after you on Adina’s blog entry. I was deeply touched by this entry – 2 months ago I lost my son when I was almost halfway through the pregnancy. Currently, I am seeking to discern God’s will regarding more children. Thank you for sharing this! God bless!

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